Amber Boston: Bendgate Part 1

I have been keeping under cover since my last assignment to infiltrate Container & Packaging Supply. That attempt resulted in an exciting trip to the warehouse and a confrontation with a few of the (very friendly) employees. So when I received the following missive, I decided it was time to get back to work as a CPS, or Container & Packaging Spy.

CPS Agent: Amber Boston
Case File: BENDGATE

Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to discover how the so-called container company, also known as Container & Packaging Supply, has influenced the global epidemic called Bendgate. Hint: it is related to lids. You have one week to report your findings.

I was confused. For some reason, I thought this Bendgate had something to do with a bizarre phone and tablet hybrid, commonly called a phablet. But apparently I was wrong. Could this ever-so-popular Twitter hashtag actually have something to do with containers? It was up to me to uncover this mystery.

After my last botched mission, I came away with some acquaintances at Container & Packaging Supply. So I contacted my supplier, Jon, and he hooked me up with a few lids. That's right: lids, or, as known in the industry, non-dispensing caps. Those things are full of mystery and intrigue. There are lots of different lids: metal, plastic, child-resistant, lug, continuous thread, and more. They have liners, seals, and tamper-evident tabs. But how do they fit into Bendgate?

I did a little bit of research. The widespread panic associated with this bizarre trend related to skinny jeans and pockets. So I busted out the skinny jeans. After squeezing into them (seriously, who in the world wears those things for comfort??), I started shoving lids into my pockets. It took a bit. Maybe my skinny jeans are a bit too skinny. But for the authenticity of this mission and for the safety of lids everywhere, I pressed forward. I just didn't really breathe for an hour or so.

I put some lids in my front pockets, and some in my back pockets. (Also, whoever designed pockets in girl jeans must think that we don't need pockets: those things are a quarter of the size of the pockets in boy jeans!) I sat down. I did toe touches. I stood up. I did squats. And I decided that anybody who puts stuff in the pockets of skinny jeans must not like to feel their legs for the rest of the day. Then I pulled those lids out of my pockets and got ice packs for my poor hipbones and backside.

I lined those lids up and checked them out. None of them had changed shape. Perhaps it would take a little bit more experimentation to discover why Container & Packaging Supply is being accused of causing Bendgate. But I needed to get those skinny jeans off and into some yoga pants before I could continue my mission.